Hanna Silva
Lic. Psychologist
27. Februar 2023
Helping someone with depression is particularly difficult for two main reasons:
- The hopelessness, low mood and lack of motivation which accompany depression can easily affect the person trying to help.
- Social support is essential for depressed people. However, they often reject social support, thereby denying themselves what they probably need most of all.
Based on that knowledge, here are 12 strategies to help your loved one through depression:
- Understand how depression works. And don’t take it personally. Depressed people can act distant, stop calling or withdraw socially. Make sure that both of you realise that these are common side effects of depression, not evidence of a bad relationship. Simply put: It’s not you, it’s depression.
- Separate the person from the depression. Suggest to your loved one that the two of you work as a team to get through the depressive episode without hurting your relationship. Tell them that you view depression as the problem in your relationship, not the relationship as problematic.
- Watch out for cognitive distortions. Depression creates negative interpretations of neutral situations. A depressed person may instinctively distort what you are saying, interpreting your words in a negative way. So, be careful to avoid misunderstandings. Don’t leave room for fantasies.
- Offer love. Tell your loved one that you want to be there for them during this difficult episode of their life.
- Ask. Ask your loved one what kind of support they would like to receive. Do they need a friend who just listens, or specific suggestions on how to solve a problem?
- Reverse the roles. Once in a while, ask your depressed loved one for help or advice. Give them the opportunity to feel needed and useful.
- Don’t be too quick to give advice! Instead, listen to their story. Ask them about their experience and then apply the most powerful ingredients of active listening:
- Reflect back what was said.
- Make a guess at the feeling behind the words.
A few examples:
“It sounds like you’re having a really tough time. I would feel exhausted if I was going through the same thing.”
“That must make you angry/sad/worried? I know that I would be angry/sad/worried if that happened to me.”
When you understand their situation, you can offer a piece of advice. Only one. But make sure to ask them first:
“Do you want to know what I think would help? Or perhaps this is not the time?”
- Tolerate the silence. A conversation with a depressed person may include more silences than usual. And your friend may be reluctant to open up.
Try not to fill all the silences with chit-chat or well-intentioned advice. Instead, provide the space and time to open up. Conveying respect and understanding matters more than the advice itself.
- Make time for yourself. The best way to stop the contagious properties of depression is to maintain your own regular routines. Keep in touch with your friends, regularly spend time with non-depressed people, exercise, eat and sleep well.
- Be realistic. You can’t treat someone else’s depression. So, make sure to have realistic expectations about how much help you can offer. Tell your loved one that you don’t blame them for being depressed or for how long it takes them to recover. And tell them that you don’t blame yourself either. It’s not your fault if your attempts to help are fruitless. It’s nobody’s fault. It’s depression.
- Encourage your loved one to seek help. If they are reluctant to see a professional, you can recommend the Flow tDCS treatment for depression. It’s a non-invasive and medication-free form of brain stimulation that they can order online. It’s based on decades of neuroscience and medically approved to use at home without prescription. 83% see improvements and less than 2% report side effects.
- Hold on to hope. Try not to lose hope, even though your friend momentarily oozes hopelessness. Know that there are a few things to do even when your friend rejects your help.